Vascular Birthmarks Foundation Forum

Vascular Birthmarks Foundation Forum (http://birthmark.org/board/index.php)
-   Youth and Teen Support (http://birthmark.org/board/forumdisplay.php?f=14)
-   -   how to tell someone, *new*youth (http://birthmark.org/board/showthread.php?t=1572)

lalaland 08-30-2005 09:30 PM

how to tell someone, *new*youth
 
hey, I'm new to this site, I decided to search what the plastic surgeon wrote down on a post-it of what i have, hemangenoma(sp?) or whatnot. So here I am :p :) I am a youth. I was born with it, but noone really knew what it was or what to do with it.* last week I was told that because of the delicate location of it, that surgery might leave just as bad of a mark if not more reddish, so that it would be better to just let it be.* You can't really see it unless I decided to wear a bikini or a low cut shirt etc, which i have avoided to this point in my life.* Sometimes I wish I could just wear whatever my friends were wearing.* Now I'm just curious, I have avoided getting into serious relationships because I know I have to eventually tell the guy.* I'm just wondering how I could tell a guy I like about this, I'm just worried that at this age, it's hard to get a guy to understand, since we live in such a vain world.* what exactly can I say, or how do I bring up the topic in conversation? hopefully he'll be understanding about it. any advice would help.* *I wish it would just go away or that surgery would just leave a tiny line..but nope, I think I'm a few years away from being okay with it.

KristieinStMarysGA 08-30-2005 09:42 PM

Re: how to tell someone, *new*youth
 
Hey,

I am 26 and have a Venous-Lymphatic Malformation throughout my left arm/elbow. First off, don't worry about telling a guy becuase if it does become serious it shouldn't be an issue. I know that it's easy to say that but I am confident if you feel comfortable and think it's serious enough to share with a guy he will feel the same way you do and not think much of it.

My next question is, when you were diagnosed with a hemangioma was it by a Vascular Anaomlies specialist? These are often misdiagnosed and called a hemangioma when it's not as true hemangiomas invoulute (go away/fade) on their own by about 9 or 10. I was originally told at one point that I had a hemangioma when in fact it's an LVM.

I recommend checking the find a doctor page and see if a specialist is located near you, if not on the main page is an "Ask the Expert" section I would send one of them a note and a picture and get thier opinon, Good Luck and keep us posted!!

Kristie

lalaland 08-30-2005 09:55 PM

Re: how to tell someone, *new*youth
 
I've never told someone other than family about it, I'm not sure hwo to say it "theres something i need to show you..i was born with..." ... i'm not sure how to ease into the news haha, any opinion on how to lead into the conversation ?

I don't think he was a specialist?* My mother said she took me to the hospital a lot when i was little as they watched its progress, but they didn't know what it was, it started off as just a red line, like a scratch, then started getting bigger, and plum color.* Now it is a light pink, and the size of about...I don't know...an egg cut in half? haha.

I've heard that it's cancer from one doctor (who was wrong) , that it's just extra skin and can just be sown up from another, and i finally set up an appointment with a plastic surgeon, and he said that its a hemangenoma(sp?).* it is located on the right center of my chest, as a girl, it is uncomfortable, i can;'t wear the nice bikinis my friends wear, and the plastic surgeon says that when they do any kind of surgery on the chest of females...thats the one area the all try to avoid at all costs because it is impossible to make a mark not visible.

Now i really didnt care if there was a line, or something from a scar, but he says it may look worse with a scar, the only difference it would be more flat and not such thin skin. but he says it may stretch, and when i am pregnant, may swell and be even more visible. he said he doesnt suggest doing anything.* so i tried to hold in tears as i left the office as "great im stuck with it" kind of thing.

lalaland 08-30-2005 09:57 PM

Re: how to tell someone, *new*youth
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by KristieinStMarysGA
Hey,

I am 26 and have a Venous-Lymphatic Malformation throughout my left arm/elbow. First off, don't worry about telling a guy becuase if it does become serious it shouldn't be an issue. I know that it's easy to say that but I am confident if you feel comfortable and think it's serious enough to share with a guy he will feel the same way you do and not think much of it.

My next question is, when you were diagnosed with a hemangioma was it by a Vascular Anaomlies specialist? These are often misdiagnosed and called a hemangioma when it's not as true hemangiomas invoulute (go away/fade) on their own by about 9 or 10. I was originally told at one point that I had a hemangioma when in fact it's an LVM.

I recommend checking the find a doctor page and see if a specialist is located near you, if not on the main page is an "Ask the Expert" section I would send one of them a note and a picture and get thier opinon, Good Luck and keep us posted!!

Kristie

oh ..and thank you!! :)

KristieinStMarysGA 08-31-2005 12:40 AM

Re: how to tell someone, *new*youth
 
Hi,

Are you able to send a pic of it to one of the specialists? I understand that since it's on the chest you might not want to but it will be easier than now knowing. There are I am sure ways to treat it, I am not a doctor but I was also told nothing could be done but things can be done. I was also told about the chance of it being cancer and that my arm should be amputated. This is such a understudied area that many doctors will call any vascular birthmark a hemangioma when in reality if you are an young adult/adult chances are it is not a hemangioma.

What state do you live in? As for telling people well, it's one of those need to know type things, my was never like that as my arm that has the LVM is larger than the other and often has severe bruising so I have never had that problem, people just come out and ask me what it is..LoL But hey if you feel the need to tell someone for whatever reason, I suggest just coming out with and explain it to them, I am sure they will listen, hey you never know they might know of someone with something similiar.

Also if you are not happy with what that doc said, go get another opinon and keep going til you feel "right" with what the doctor says, it's what my parents did when they were told my arm would need to be amputated, and I am beyond thankful for that. Even though I have pain,bruising and swelling....


Let me know if I can help with anything else.

Kristie

hankbartenbach 08-31-2005 04:30 AM

Re: how to tell someone, *new*youth
 
Hi,

I agree with Kristie. You should seek another opinion. If you can not find someone in resource at the top of the page let us know where you are located and we might know of someone in your area you can go see.

To your first post you made about telling it to a guy. Being a guy I would want you to be honest about your hemangioma. If you explain it to him in short and easy form he will understand better. Like " I would like to tell you something you do not know about and it is hard for me to explain it etc etc"

I have had two plastic surgeries on my Port Wine Stain birthmark in New York City. Dr. Waner is a very good but expensive doctor. Dr. Livitin the "ask the expert surgeon" works with Dr. Waner his daughter has had hemangioma removed a few years ago by Dr. Waner.

I hope this helps and I will talk to you soon.

Hank

lalaland 08-31-2005 11:28 PM

Re: how to tell someone, *new*youth
 
thank you for the imput :)

I checked for a doctor on the list, and none are really near my area, i'm in ontario canada

Dyan 09-01-2005 03:36 AM

Re: how to tell someone, *new*youth
 
Hi lalaland,

A fellow Canadian (I'm in Alberta). I suggest you contact:
Dermatology Association of Ontario
Dr Kim Papp, President
Probity Medical Research
135 Union St E
Waterloo ON N2J 1C4

Tel: 519-579-9535
Fax: 519-579-8312

They should be able to give you the names of Doctors in Ontario who can help you. At least with a name you can research the individuals a bit deeper. There are enough doctors and research hospitals in Ontario that it shouldn't be too difficult to find someone great.

Hope this helps,
Dyan

lalaland 09-01-2005 05:55 AM

Re: how to tell someone, *new*youth
 
hey,

thank you very much, i'll give them a call sometime this coming week when i get the chance to.

LoupGarou 12-05-2005 05:52 PM

Re: how to tell someone, *new*youth
 
Are you afraid of how your future boyfriend will react?
Hmm... considering the location of your hemangioma, I think that when the guy sees it for the first time, he'll be so excited that he will barely notice it. In fact, if you had a third arm attached to your stomach, he would propably not have noticed that either ;)

I thought a lot about that when I first met my boyfriend. Afterwards, I felt really stupid because I tormented myself with such silly thoughts. Even though half of my body is red/purple, he didn't think it was such a big deal. He just was the happiest man in the universe the first time he saw me naked :o

If you want to bring it up in a conversation, a way to do it is to say "Wanna see something strange?" and then just show it. If he is worth keeping, he won't react negatively. He'll propably just show you something weird on his body, like his jelly toe that can bend in all directions, his ability to fart with is armpit or some other "party trick".

Good luck to you! *hug*


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:25 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.