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-   -   social help (http://birthmark.org/board/showthread.php?t=2480)

pookie12 07-23-2007 10:38 PM

social help
 
I'm an 18 year old with a large birthmark that covers my right buttock and even goes a little bit on my lower back... I haven't had it my entire life, but I cant remember when I got it. It doesn't cause any pain or anything, just really bad social issues.. I havent gone swimming since I was about 14 because it's too embarrassing and I cant wear regular bikinis and stuff. The worst part is relationship-wise. I'd really like to pursue a sexual relationship with a certain guy, but I don't want him to see it. I know he wouldn't care because he's absolutely in love with me, but its still something that I feel strongly embarrassed about. My parents don't know about it and I don't want to tell them because they won't really care how I feel about it, just that it would cost money to get it removed and its something I or they don't have. I don't know what to do, because I don't have the money to get rid of it, and even if I did, I wouldn't want to run the risk of hiding it from my parents that I did so.... help!

hankbartenbach 07-24-2007 03:23 AM

Hello Pookie,

First of all welcome to the group.

The way I see it is that if you can not except your birthmark, how is anybody else going to get the chance to except it? I know you are in that age group and looks are everything, but they are not in the long run. Being that I have a facial PWS I live with the questions pointing and staring everyday since I work in retail. Yes there are some very rude people out there but I only have to see them once and they are gone normally. I guess what I am trying to say is that if you love you guy friend and he loves you then it will not matter to him if you have a birthmark. If he can not see past it then that is his problem not yours. Still to this day I ask my fiancee why I am so lucky to have her and she says she is the lucky one to have me.

One way I guess you could let him know is tell him you have a birthmark before you even consider showing your back. Let him absorb it don't just jump into every detail there is to know about it otherwise you will scare him. Keep it simple and short.

I hope this helps a little. If you have any other question please ask we are here for you.

Talk to you soon.

Hank

pookie12 07-24-2007 02:42 PM

--
 
Thank you Hank! its great to know that people care and are going through the same thing =)

Thats the point, I can't accept it. And you're probably right, its the prime age of looks, but ever since I was little, I was always expected to be 'perfect' lookwise. I have dark hair, olive skin, and ive always had the 'perfect body'. and maybe its just a security issue, but I cant deal with something not being perfect... and it drives me crazy.. and it probably has to deal with the pressures of society, but it just sucks, you know?

hankbartenbach 07-25-2007 01:10 AM

Oh yes I know. Try to work on yourself confadence. It will help you build your self esteem and maybe one day you will be able to except your birhtmark.

PiaJoy 07-28-2007 08:41 AM

I can totally understand you. i am 17 years old and have a birthmark on my whole left leg. i too havent gone swimming since forever! my parents dont know about my self-consciousness even tho i wear jeans all the time. i know my friends will accept me still even tho i have it, but i still can't bear to show them or talk about it. most of my friends don't even know about my birthmark. i also want to get rid of mine, but i dont think my parents would allow it and i also wouldnt want to hide it from them if i did. i hope you and your boyfriend are doing well. he will accept you no matter what because he loves you. hope we will both gain self confidence.

always,
Pia


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