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-   -   REALLY bad self esteem (http://birthmark.org/board/showthread.php?t=2906)

Yumi 06-01-2008 02:14 PM

REALLY bad self esteem
 
I'm sorry, but when people say, "Love yourself. Having a birthmark only makes you more unique", that's total BS. That's coming from people who don't have a birthmark, obviously. It just makes me so mad!
I feel like I have a worse self esteem than others with a birthmark. And I mean REALLY bad. All I want to do is sleep. I don't want anybody to see me anymore. I've been on anti-depressants since I was ten (I'm now eighteen), and, although they do help a little, I still feel so depressed ALL THE TIME. I just want to cry over the dumbest things. My parents try to help, but they are getting worn out. There is only so much they can do for so long. They are finally getting tired of all this. My dad gave up on me a long time ago, and now my mom is starting to give up. Geeze, I'm TRYING to be happy.
Oh, then my sisters... man, my sisters are so beautiful and have so many friends and have boyfriends... why the heck can't I have all that? Is it selfish to want those things so badly? I mean, hardly anyone likes me. The only true friend I had was in second grade, and she had to move away. Figures. I eventually made friends in junior high, but now I feel like they are just my friends out of pity.

Ugh, I feel like: What's the point?

nickbar 06-03-2008 12:58 AM

Yumi,

I wish I could sit with you in person and say these things and hold your hand. Words I say or anyone says can't change how you feel...but I hope that something causes that light bulb to flip for you or something motivates you to find the happiness you want and deserve. Having what you want is not magic and will not happen over night. But, I strongly believe you can find comfort, happiness and enjoyment. You can like yourself!!!
Everyone comes from very different up-bringings. Those that post positive feelings about there birthmarks were probably given the support and coping skills needed to face a cruel world or they put up a fight for what they wanted. Not to be negative toward your parents...but did they have the skills themselves to know how to help you? To know how to prepare you for what life throws out? Though some people are hiding it... we all have self esteem issues and have things about ourselves we want to hide, hate or feel horrified about. I know you've heard that before. "I'd love to only have her problems". My belief is that those feelings that are the most hidden can be the most damaging. That is why we are often shocked by a celeb falling apart. I've even been told "pretty girls have tragic lives". We are all judged and people will always make assumptions about us. And as a child/teen it can be especially harsh and painful...and we don't just grow out of those feelings...we take that into adulthood. How we choose to live and deal with those painful feelings is in our control. Do we let the bullies of the world win? (by the way...those that were bullies to me...they sure have messes of there own now).
There are genuine people out there that want to be friends and not out of pitty. Again, if you have the attitude out there that you don't trust them, that you assume it is pitty...they probably will back away. We have to show people how we want to be treated. What you put out...is what you'll get back. If you have this vision of yourself as not good enough, not pretty enough, not xyz, people will pick up on that and see what you think they already do. And I am not just talking about just a physicial appearance either. Give people a chance...but most importantly give yourself a chance!

What you've been dealing with for 18 years is bigger then this support group or myself saying something to you. If you want to feel differently about yourself...it can happen (I know, I've been there)...it takes work, it takes baby steps, it is celebrating small positive steps, rewards, it takes exposure of self, and maybe professional help. I'm not saying you have to love your birthmark.... but I believe you can get to a place where it doesn't control your life!

I really would encourage you to contact Elissa Rifkin from ask the expert on the front page of our site. There are tools and ways to help you change your life. You can turn this around. It is never too late, there is always a point.

It is not selfish at all to want to be what appears to be "normal"....but nothing is as it appears either.

Your father/mother may or many not have given up on you...but when people don't know how to help and feel helpless they often withdrawl. It doesn't mean they don't care...they just don't have the tools and they feel there own sense of inadequacy. It is hiding from reality or being scared to make the wrong move. Freezing in fear. Find your strength...gravitate toward people that are positive in your life.

Please email me anytime! Please.

Corinne

hankbartenbach 06-03-2008 05:02 PM

Hello Yumi,

My name is Hank I am 26 and I have a facial PWS.

When I was your age I could diffently be in your shoes with out so much self esteem issues. My mother probably had more of a problem with my birthmark rather then I did.
Feeling alone in relationships I totally agree with. I did not have my first relationship until I was in college. Just remember people see you for how you see yourself. So if you have a problem with your birthmark everybody else will. Do not get me wrong you know as well as I do we both will get asked about our birthmarks everyday for the rest of our lives, but if you can turn it into a positive some how it really does help. For example children I turn it into education. You will always get the rude people though. I work as a vender in Wal-Mart in sales so you can picture how many people I come into contact with.

I guess what I am getting to is you are the one that has to except yourself for who you are before others will except you. That will build your self esteem. If someone asks you a rude question just tell yourself that they are just making a fool out of themselves for not be educated enough to know what a birthmark is.

As for the relationships. You have to be confident in yourself and step out of your boundaries and ask the right person out at the right time, and try looking outside the box and lower your expectations if you think you are being picky. I met my fiancee two years ago at a vision impairment school where I was learning how to be blind. She has been legally blind her who life.

I hope this has help a little. If you have any other questions for me you can either message or email me.

Hank

Yumi 06-05-2008 08:43 PM

Thanks for your support, guys. This really does help. I'll see what I can do to help myself. :) I really do appreciate it.

nickbar 06-05-2008 08:56 PM

Just keep us close. My email is vb support @comcast .net (no spaces)... you are not alone and that sometimes can be the BIGGEST support system ever. We might not be physicially with you...but we are here.

Corinne

sparkles_in_june 02-01-2011 05:11 AM

I agree with Yumi. I am 15. My birthmark can never go awat and may cause me not to be able to have children. altho not many people around me know i have the mark. i will always be embarrassed.


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