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-   -   HELP-huge ugly birthmark (http://birthmark.org/board/showthread.php?t=2958)

lyssa 07-09-2008 09:22 AM

HELP-huge ugly birthmark
 
Hi! Iím 22 year old. I have HUGE birthmark. My birthmark starts from my left lower back into stomach connecting down to all the way down the left side of my leg and ends wrapped around my ankle. Iím not sure the name of my birthmark but the colour is brown. It looks awful since the rest of my skin colour is white and Iím not sure if there is risk of cancer. I donít know if someone else out there has similar birthmark because I never heard or seen others that have kind of birthmark. I never wear shorts, skirts out and even dare trying to go to a public pool in a swimsuit. It really hurts me. Iím glad that found this site to share my problem because Iím too embarrassed to talk or discuss with anyone including doctors and my family. I even scared to be in a relationship. I had 1 relationship and only lasted when he found out that I have birthmark because Iím too embarrassed to face him and I felt that Iím not good enough. Iíve promised myself to not fall in love because I know it wonít last but I fell in love again with my current boyfriend. I recently just told him that I have birthmark after he keeps asking why I never wear shorts but I didnít show it to him so he doesnít know the colour and how huge my birthmark is. Every time when he asked and wants to see I will be crying and crying and run away from him. I know he would feel disgusting when he see my birthmark. I wanted to end our relationship but he said Iím stupid and I donít know why but this time I donít want to lose him but I know that it is unfair for him as he deserves better person than me so eventually this relationship will end. I donít know what to do. Iím tired of living with lies and alone. When my friends asked why I never wear shorts I keep saying that Iím not comfortable wearing shorts out and I donít have nice legs. No one of my friends knows that I have birthmark. almost every night I will cry, wondering why me and thinking of living alone forever. I would laugh happy in front of everyone but deep inside me I feel very very depressed. Iím sick of living like this. I wish my huge ugly birthmark can be removed.

hankbartenbach 07-11-2008 12:45 AM

Hi Lyssa,

My name is Hank. I am a 26 year old with a facial PWS birthmark.

Consider yourself lucky you are able to cover your birthmark up with clothing. As a guy I have to say wearing make up to cover my birthmark did not work very well. I tried it a couple times when I was younger but it was not me.

You have to except that you have a birthmark wheather you choose to let people know about it is your choice. I get the pointing, stares, and comments almost every day. I am a vendor in Wal-Mart. I mostly try to turn that negativity into a positive and educate them about my birthmark.

If you have true friends they will except that you have a birthmark. If you do not want to be alone for the rest of your life you will have to tell your boyfriend the true and be honest with him that your birthmark bothers you. It will be up to him if he excepts it.

I guess something that has always helped me was that I could careless what people think of me. If they can not except me that is their problem.

Most people I talk to or my friends they do not even see my birthmark. They see me for who I am.

My fiancee tells me I would not be the person she loves with out my birthmark.

If you see your birthmark as a hugh ugly feature everybody else will see it that way. You are the one that has to change your attitude towards your birthmark. If you want to wear shorts, do it don't let anybody hold you back.


I hope this helps. If you want to talk more you can either post back here or email me directly.

Hank

lyssa 07-11-2008 02:44 PM

hi Hank, thank you so much for replying, i really appreicate it, at least i know that i can share and i dont have to keep it to myself coz it is tiring and crazy.

i tried so hard to except my birthmark by not looking at it but it is very difficult. i wish i can be strong like you but people comments haunting me 24hours and i still can't forget when i was been laughed and became a joke by my friiends ,cousins when i was 6-8 yrs old..but i agree with you, i will try my best to stop thinking and worry about this and be stronger. you are so lucky to have your fiiancee that can accept who you are. I'm scared to discuss and show my birthmark to my bf. eventho he knew i have birthmark but he doesn't know that it is huge birthmark. i'm afraid he would look at me differently and that would made me feel very embarassed n can't face him. i want to see doctor and want to find out more about my birthmark but im so scared to let anyone see my birthmark. i've tried research but never come accross the kind of birthmark that i have. im greatly appreciate if anyone out there knows that my huge brown colour birthmark can be removed or any risk of cancer.

hankbartenbach 07-14-2008 03:23 PM

Lyssa,

If you tell yourself you can then you can do anything you put your mind to. Have faith in yourself. Be honest with your boyfriend, if he loves you for who you are he will except your birthmark.
I would say talk to your friends about it. The ones you feel the closest to. If they are your true friends it will not bother them.

Most of my friends when they see someone staring at me weird they are the ones that get offended. I do not even notice it any more because I am so use to it. I am in sales so I talk to hundreds of people in person a day.

Trust me when I say this I have talked to a couple people that have birthmarks that are worse then yours. I know people with 60%, 75% and 100% of their body head to toe with a birthmark. There are a couple of them on this website but I have not seen them post in a while.

Keep your head held high and do not let anybody stop you from what you want to do with your life.

Also, I do have my own website if you would like to check it out. www.hankspws.com

Talk to you later.


Hank

Aussie legs 09-08-2008 02:10 AM

Hi, I really know how you feel, I have a pws on both my back legs, from the top of my behind to my toes, when I was 18 and started to date I didn't tell my boyfriend for about 2 months and we went to the beach and I was put on the spot, his family leant me a bathing suit to go swimming and I had to tell him in front of his family, it was really embarrasing, that relationship only ended because of other reasons, my next boyfriend I didnt tell for 3 months and when I did he didn't care we have been married for 17 years and have 4 kids, I still dont wear shorts in public but I do at home. I also never spoke to any family members about my birthmark and when I decided to have laser at 25years of age they said what do you want that done for, your birthmark doesnt worry you, I just said do you want them on your legs and they say no, well just because I dont complain about it doesnt mean I'm happy its there. Anyway I think you might be surprised about what nice guys think, they dont really care, as long as you can cook you dont have any worries in that department, just try and be brave and tell them before you get put in an awkward position like me. Goodluck Ann

sweet pea 09-08-2008 10:29 PM

Lyssa,

I wouldn't let other peoples opinions ruin you life. You should be able to do everything any one else does. Try not to let the comments get to you. I have been called so many names and had so many comments about the way I look, but don't really let it affect me. I love going to the beach and wearing my bathing suit. I have some pretty extensive scarring from my surgeries and people do notice, but it really doesn't bother me all that much. The birthmark does not define who you are, it's just a part of you. I know how you feel about not telling people. I was the exact same way, though I found it better to just let people know about it and not hide anymore. It was more of a relief to live that way vs always hiding and living the "double" life. And I did have people who reacted badly, but those people obviously aren't worth it if they can't accept you. If you really want to, you can try asking Dr. Nelson about it and send him a picture of your birthmark, so he can see it. He's on the ask the expert part of this website. Good luck with everything.

-Stephanie

katieak2323 10-10-2008 11:08 PM

Hi.
 
Like Hank said, consider yourself lucky.
but of course you have every right to be insecure. i understand what it feels like to be so embarrassed of having a huge birthmark.
My story:

I was born with a facial PWS.
and which it was from just below my eyebrow on my right side of my face all the way to my mid top lip. and covered the apples of my cheeks, and around that area.
i was really little when i first got laser surgery done. and i continued with surgery.
its been a while, maybe since 2002, when i was 10 years old.
and by 2002, almost half of it was gone.
now i just have it by my nose a little, under the eye socket part thing lol. and around the apples of my cheek, and around there. so it got A LOT smaller. thank God.

but im 16, and its of course extremely noticeable.
its the first thing everyone sees. unless i convert to muslim religion, and wear a cloth covering my face, which will never ever happen.

but i'm about to get more surgery, in about 5-10 more surgeries, itll be completely gone.

the only difference after 2002's surgery, is that it has gotten lighter, its now like a light violet. and i actually am starting to see white specks on some part of the birthmark on the cheek. that actually gives me enlightment.

but being extremely noticeable, and on my face, and being a teenager with it, is extremely rough.
i have a high risk of glaucoma due to the birthmark.(thats why it only costs me $15.)
but my friends say "oh just put cover up over it." and theres no way. no way to cover it up, its like a bruise a big big everlasting bruise. and people dont understand.
ive tried cover up. i reply"you think i havent tried that yet?"
and of course i get the people who are too scared to ask to my face what my "puprle thing" on my cheek is.
instead they say "did she get burned? did she get punched? what happened?"
or they just give that disgusted look.
and its like whats so gross? its just a purple part of skin. its not like im diseased.

i dont know, its just hard to live with it on the face.
and probably hard living with it around your whole body.

this one girl i know, has the color i have on her face (more than me.) and all around her legs, and arms. so i also look at her, like i can live through this if she can.

point is, i know what youre feeling.
everything will soon pan out, dont worry.

Melaina'sMommy 10-14-2008 06:32 PM

I know this will sound somewhat cliche, but beauty truly does come from within. Those that love you love you because of who you are and not how you look and they will continue to love you even with the birthmark. If your boyfriend doesn't accept you for who you are, then he is not the one for you. Believe me, men will come and go but the good ones are the ones who love us despite our faults (and we all have them!). Please contact Dr. Nelson. My daughter has been going to him for years and he is very knowledgeable on birthmarks as well as super nice and easy to talk to. He will definitely be able to answer your questions. Good luck.

erih 11-06-2008 01:06 AM

Hi Lyssa,
Sounds like you've got quite a few people rooting for you already! I hope what they've said has helped some bit.

But you really are lucky. While i wasn't ever really teased as a kid, having a port wine stain on my forehead/eyelid has elicited quite a few stares...and if some people are to be believed, potentially cost me a job or two. You can cover yours up, tho from the sounds of that, it might not have helped you all together.

I think, for starters, I'd tell my closet friends. And let them help bolster your confidence. Like the other's have said, if they can't accept that as being part of you, well, then... It might help explain some things about you to them.

Also, gaining confidence isn't going to happen over night. It's gonna be a long struggle--perhaps a life-long one--but with the help of a few friends, maybe a doctor or two, I'm sure you'll be able to overcome some of it.

Feel free to contact me if you want/need to talk about this to anyone. Even if it's just to rant on. The Lord knows we need more people listening in this day & age.

I hope things are going well for you

Kcrow 02-16-2013 05:35 AM

Hi
I have a PWS on my right arm, it starts at my wrist and leads up to my under arm. I hate it, but since as a small child my family calls it my "special arm" i guess that i live with it, but I feel completely embarrassed if I don't ware a jumper or a long sleeve in public. People ask me if I burn't my arm, or got hit by lightning. I'm seventeen And i have been bullied all my primary and middle school years.

I think if you have one theres got to be a meaning to it and a reason


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