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-   -   Guilt trip over laser treatments (http://birthmark.org/board/showthread.php?t=6242)

tere83 01-19-2013 08:07 PM

Guilt trip over laser treatments
 
Hello all. This goes out to all the parents out there, especially moms. Sorry if I make this a little long but I have no one who can relate to this so I figured I'd post here. I have an almost 8 month old daughter named Alana with a PWS that covers the entire left side of her face. She had her first laser treatment a week and a half ago in irvine with dr. Nelson. The area is no longer black and blue but there is still allot of bruising.
My family never really supported my decision to pursue laser treatments, they said if that's the way god made her then that's the way she should stay. I decided to do this anyway to give my daughter the best shot at a normal life. I thought I was doing the right thing. Anyway after the first session my mom was shocked at Alana's appearance. Since then I've heard nothing but bad comments from them.
"Look what they've done to that poor baby"
"You should keep her locked in the house so no one has to see her face"
"This is only gonna make her look worse than it already does"
"Why are you making her suffer through something that's not necessary?"
And the one comment that really hurt was the one someone said behind my back.
"They should make her(me) go somewhere and have someone burn off half her face and see how she likes it"

Has anyone else been judged for their decision to have their child treated? How do you deal with the comments? Do you ever feel guilty for making this decision on behalf of your baby? I was so happy when we were approved for treatments but now everyone's making me feel like a horrible mother

davinderhora 01-19-2013 09:09 PM

Hi Tere83,

Don't be guilty for your decision, you have done the right thing. You will feel more guilty if you will leave it like this and have your daughter ask you after years why haven't u started her treatment early when u knew it would be best for her. Nothing is more imp than your daughter. People will say a lot more untill they will go thru the same situation. All I can say is you are doing the best you can and should for your daughter. I know it feels terrible to see those bruises but its for good.

I have got my 9 months old treated a week back. Her face looks red and worse. I am just hoping to see some results.

Keep faith and stay with your decision. No one can think and do as much you can for your daughter.

kelmel 01-20-2013 07:43 AM

I'm so sorry you are experincing this much criticism. I have only had a handful of snide remarks and usually from people not very close to us. How hurtful to not have your family's support.

You are doing the right thing. Her face will fade and with time they will understand. Try to be confident in your decision. The above poster is correct. Your daughter will thank you.

As for going out in public, that is your choice. My son and I do. I feel like we are a PWS advocate team wherever we go. People can not help but ask questions. I do my best to answer them confidently to demonstrate to my son that he has no reason to be shy because of his face. Our conversations go something like this:

Random stranger: What happened to your baby's face?
Me: He had a laser treatment.
Stranger: Why?
Me: He has a large birthmark called a Port Wine Stain on his face.
Stranger: Will it fade? My son/grand baby/niece had a birthmark and it faded on its own.
Me: No, it will not. That is why he has laser treatments.
Stranger: How lucky he is that it can be treated.
Me: Yes, we are fortunate to have such options available.

This conversation has happened dozens of times. Often in the grocery checkout where your are confined next to a stranger who can't help but ask. Or if I see curious stares, I start the conversation. More than once, someone has shown me their birthmark and wished they had treatment.

It is going to be ok. It gets easier and she will thank you.


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