Although my daughter doesn't have a port wine stain (she has CMTC which is visible from her right hip to her foot) I can understand the feelings you are having. I know that through my experience you do need to go through a grieving process but I know that I moved past this quickly. You will start seeing your daughter and not her port wine stain. At first I hated when people stared at my daughter and I always wanted her leg covered up. Now I don't care who sees it and I hope that by sharing her story they may be more tolerate of the differences of others. The other thing is that when my daughter's medical issues became so much more complex than her CMTC my focus has had to turn from that and deal with conditions that are much more severe. She will always have CMTC and I am going to raise her to be proud of who she is (there are not a lot of people like little Becca in the world). The other bit that I have found is that the more open I am about Becca, not hiding her leg and letting others see it, and just going on with our lives others are much less uncomfortable.
That doesn't mean we haven't had our uncomfortable moments. We had a lady leave a swimming pool when we put Becca in and we have had several little kids embarass their parents with comments they have made. I guess what I am rambling on about is that the more you are comfortable and accepting the more comfortable and accepting others will be.