Vascular Birthmarks Foundation Forum - View Single Post - BORN WITH GIANT HAIRY NEVUS, now living with huge scars..:(
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Old 10-22-2010, 07:00 AM
s_haimen
 
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Exclamation BORN WITH GIANT HAIRY NEVUS, now living with huge scars..:(

I was born with a giant hairy nevus on my right shoulder and top right corner of my back. I had several skin grafts to remove it in pieces. Skin was taken from the side of both my upper legs and also a little bit from the bottom of my bottom.
So I live with scars in all those places. The worst scar is obviously where my birthmark was located. It looks like a really bad burn. its bumpy, the skin is not smooth, the skin is even kind of shiny-ish and discolored in some places.
I am now 23 yrs old. My first surgery was at the age of 4 or 5 years old.
I have lived with depression my whole life. I only started taking medication for that at about 19 yrs old. I HATE my scars and never wear sleeveless shirts because I hate answering people's questions and when they stare...
My life has been a constant battle trying to live with my traumatic experience and big scar. I have always been different than the other kids. i matured much earlier than the other kids too. And i am extremely sensitive.
I am very screwed up psychologically, I have so many thoughts running through my head constantly. I am not truly happy, and it is very difficult for me to have relationships with people. Its really hard for me to understand why I am sad, let alone a friend or bf trying to figure it out and help me. I tried seeing various psychologists regularly.
I am a full time university student, im 23 yrs old, work part time, try to be social and go out with friends, exercise regularly , play soccer and excel at most sports, eat mostly healthy, love to do art and paint and am very artistic.......I TRY very hard to lead a positive, happy life, as you can see I try to do many activities to make me feel better. Medication really helps me by stabilizing my mood and allowing not to have explosions and breakouts of extreme emotion.And it helps me be less sensitive to everything. Deep down I am still at war with my shoulder and it stops me from being a fully confident person. It is an extremely hard obstacle to get over.
I know that I am beautiful, thankful for good things in my life, that other people have way worse problems, that i shouldn't care what other people think....I KNOW ALL THIS STUFF, I KNOW!! I cannot help the way I feel and I still feel sad deep down and find it very hard to live with my shoulder and the traumatic experience associated with my shoulder.
Anyway, this is what being born with a giant hairy nevus did to me.
My plastic surgeon and dermatologist never suggested psychological help and I find that disgusting because even if you remove the birthmark from my shoulder so that i will not develop milenoma, I might have killed myself from the trauma. So what good does spending all that time on my surgeries do if in the end I end up killing myself. (I do not want to commit suicide, i am just using it as an example).
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