oh yeah read you loud and clear.
i've been fondly called ice queen. told i have pretty eyes but they are cold. of course they are. I'm guarded. need to protect myself and be armored. Having a drink is sometimes the only way for me to let that guard dowmn and allow myself to be me.
we are no different than other people with self esteem issues like weight, child abuse etc...i'm no angel but I am aware that i shouldn't get into something for the wrong reasons. to feed my esteem. I kept a tighten reign on myself for years. i'm starting to loosen up alittle more cause i am missing out on life.
i've been love. wanted kids, marriage. for once it finally felt so natural. affection came natural. didn't feel forced. he was something special. Relationship ended and back to feeling dead about those things. i will settle for company now and then. something pernament would be great but if i don't feel a future it makes no sense. people my age want marriage, kids. I don't. It gets real lonely.
at 23 you are young. keep working on yourself. seek counselling if necessary. you have good days, you have bad days. one day at a time.