You poor thing... I have so much sympathy for you. Like the previous post says, let it all out! It's such a difficult thing to live with and come to terms with, and obviously it will have a deep psychological effect on you. I commend you for all the efforts you make to keep active, healthy and social, and for getting professional help.
Your practically writing the story of my life here! In my own experience, its not the physical pain or the operations that is the worst, its the effect growing up with a physical malformation has on your self esteem. It can be very damaging and traumatic, and very hard for people without a similar problem to understand.
I could tell you all the usual "stuff", but as you said, you know it all. We've all heard it all. What I can tell you is that I, and many others out there, have had similar experiences and know what you've been through and how tough it can be. And I'd also like to remind you that you can eventually overcome these feelings. Obviously you are a very strong person because you are fighting your mental health problems, and havent let them stop you living a busy, healthy life. I can tell from the way you wrote your story that you are also intelligent. Dont forget that there are other people out there who are going through the same thing - you're not alone. Reading your story was like reading about myself. Thanks for being brave enough to share it,.