I wish I could sit with you in person and say these things and hold your hand. Words I say or anyone says can't change how you feel...but I hope that something causes that light bulb to flip for you or something motivates you to find the happiness you want and deserve. Having what you want is not magic and will not happen over night. But, I strongly believe you can find comfort, happiness and enjoyment. You can like yourself!!!
Everyone comes from very different up-bringings. Those that post positive feelings about there birthmarks were probably given the support and coping skills needed to face a cruel world or they put up a fight for what they wanted. Not to be negative toward your parents...but did they have the skills themselves to know how to help you? To know how to prepare you for what life throws out? Though some people are hiding it... we all have self esteem issues and have things about ourselves we want to hide, hate or feel horrified about. I know you've heard that before. "I'd love to only have her problems". My belief is that those feelings that are the most hidden can be the most damaging. That is why we are often shocked by a celeb falling apart. I've even been told "pretty girls have tragic lives". We are all judged and people will always make assumptions about us. And as a child/teen it can be especially harsh and painful...and we don't just grow out of those feelings...we take that into adulthood. How we choose to live and deal with those painful feelings is in our control. Do we let the bullies of the world win? (by the way...those that were bullies to me...they sure have messes of there own now).
There are genuine people out there that want to be friends and not out of pitty. Again, if you have the attitude out there that you don't trust them, that you assume it is pitty...they probably will back away. We have to show people how we want to be treated. What you put out...is what you'll get back. If you have this vision of yourself as not good enough, not pretty enough, not xyz, people will pick up on that and see what you think they already do. And I am not just talking about just a physicial appearance either. Give people a chance...but most importantly give yourself a chance!
What you've been dealing with for 18 years is bigger then this support group or myself saying something to you. If you want to feel differently about yourself...it can happen (I know, I've been there)...it takes work, it takes baby steps, it is celebrating small positive steps, rewards, it takes exposure of self, and maybe professional help. I'm not saying you have to love your birthmark.... but I believe you can get to a place where it doesn't control your life!
I really would encourage you to contact Elissa Rifkin from ask the expert on the front page of our site. There are tools and ways to help you change your life. You can turn this around. It is never too late, there is always a point.
It is not selfish at all to want to be what appears to be "normal"....but nothing is as it appears either.
Your father/mother may or many not have given up on you...but when people don't know how to help and feel helpless they often withdrawl. It doesn't mean they don't care...they just don't have the tools and they feel there own sense of inadequacy. It is hiding from reality or being scared to make the wrong move. Freezing in fear. Find your strength...gravitate toward people that are positive in your life.
Please email me anytime! Please.
VBF Director of Family Services
vbfadvocate @ live. com (no spaces)